She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
