His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
