What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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