Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I understand Curling. That high.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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