I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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