operation harelip BJ is a go
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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