I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
