You're my little dorito
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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