My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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