i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
