well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
