Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she woke up with a sticky ear
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
