Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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