YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
