u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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