im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
