Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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