I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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