It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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