Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
