The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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