Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Only a mothe r could love this liver
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just invented taco cereal.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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