We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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