I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Did I show you my penis last night?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
