Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
