I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
