That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
