those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Are we still banned from the library?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
