But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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