so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize