he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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