how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
