I'm going to jail i love you
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
