How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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