weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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