Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
