Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize