do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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