Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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