Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The air taste purple.
Randomize
