who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
