I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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