Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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