This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
