butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
