First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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