i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
