Betty ford says i'm here all night
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm always down for nudity.
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