Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
home. puking in laundry basket.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
