we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This is classic penis vs brain.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
