wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
