I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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