You can't special order awesome
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
