bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
