i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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