just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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