am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
