The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I supernannyed him into submission
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
