Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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