just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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