Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
