Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
