Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
