Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
