Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
