dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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