My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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