somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
