They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my being single is dangerous.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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